Godliness

Hello Everyone! In class this week we talked specifically about blended families. My thought for this week is a bit different than this, but I feel it is important and needs to be shared. The thing that stuck out the most to me was a phrase that Brother Williams said. He said, "Marriage is not natural..." and he just left it like that for a moment. The class was kind of taken back by that. We all thought, "How in the world is marriage not natural? People do it all the time? What are you saying Brother Williams?" Those were the thoughts going through my head at least. I was confused for a second until Brother Williams continued. He said "Yes, I believe marriage is not natural. It's supernatural. It's Godly." I get it now. The merging of two lives, even in the best of situations, is a lot of work. That's how it's supposed to be. It makes us better people! If we want our relationships to be great we need to make the chose to make them great. Also, even though having a great relationship with your spouse is a choice, it's a two person job. Both people need to be willing to sacrifice and work for the other in order for the marriage to work properly.

I think it's pretty special to be compared to our Father in Heaven, our God. I want to do my absolute best someday to ensure that I have a great marriage, and I'm going to expect the same from my future husband. I know I can do it and I know that everyone else can too if they are willing.

I just want to give a quick shout out to my amazing professor, Brother Williams has taught me so much and I'm so glad I got to participate in this wonderful class! He is so passionate about the family and you can see it every single day. You can tell he has an amazing testimony. I'm grateful for the experience I've had this semester.

With love: Sydney

Parenthood

Hello Everyone! This week we got to learn about parenting. To be honest, I never knew how difficult parenting is. Children are trick little people! The only thing I can think to accurately depict parenting is a balancing act. Dr. Micheal Popkins, a parenting publisher, shared this quote that is pretty accurate. He says, "The purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare a child to survive and thrive in the world they live in." The balancing act comes in when we try to protect our children and protect our children. If patents protect too much then their child won't be as prepared for life. If we prepare our children too much for the world then we have neglected to protect them.

Popkins suggests that there are 5 needs that every child has. The needs are contact/belonging, power, protection, withdrawl, and challenge. Now if these needs aren't being met then the child might exhibit behaviors that aren't the best as a way in order to try to meet their needs. Popkins suggests parenting skills that can be used to help your child to meet their needs

1. Contact/Belonging:

• Child's unwanted behavior: Undue attention seeking. This might include being overly obnoxious or clingy in order to feel contact and belonging.
• Parenting skill: Offer contact freely and teach your child to contribute. By offering contact freely, such as, giving hugs, high fives, pats on the back, and others, your child won't need to act out in order to receive that contact. Then by teaching your child to contribute it will help them know that you love and care about them. It lets them know that they have a special place in your home.

2. Power: 

• Child's unwanted behavior: Controlling others and rebellion. 
• Parenting skill: Parents can create choices and also let their child experience consequences. By creating choices you are allowing your child to feel like they are a little more in control of the situation even if the choice is what consequence they would rather for not eating their dinner. By you, as a parent, allowing your child to experience the natural consequences/ logical consequences of their choices they are then able to see why they need to follow the guidelines provided. Therefore there will be less rebellion.

3. Protection:

• Child's unwanted behavior: Revenge
• Parenting skill: Parents can teach their children to be assertive. They can also teach forgiveness. Teaching children to be assertive can help in so many ways, but children can't really learn to be assertive unless you let them be assertive in the home. This might mean letting them disagree with you at times. I understand that this can be hard, but learning to voice your opinion is so important. The best way to teach your child to be forgiving is to show them that you, as their father or mother, can forgive them. By teaching them these skills children can better handle situations that make them frustrated and they won't need to lash out against others.

4. Withdrawl:

• Child's unwanted behavior: Undue avoidance. This means procrastinating a stressful situation until it becomes overbearingly stressful.
• Parenting skill: Parents can teach their children to take brakes. This is different from undue avoidance because instead of abandoning the project or assignment or whatever is might be, you teach your children to work hard at the problem, take a brake, then come back and finish.

5. Challenge:

• Child's unwanted behavior: Undue risk taking.
• Parenting Skill: Parents can provide opportunities for skill development. Parents can do this for children of any age. From toddlers learning to walk all the way to High School seniors getting ready to graduate. 

I have personally seen how each of these parenting skills can have a positive impact on the lives of children. I hope this has helped someone. Have a fantastic week!

With love: Sydney

Education

Hello Everyone! I really enjoyed our lesson this week in Family Relations. We talked about the statement some people make that women who chose to become stay at home mothers are wasting their degrees. I disagree with this statement 100%. The major I have chosen is Marriage and Family Studies and I absolutely love it. I chose this major not in the hope of gaining a ton of money, but to benefit my future marriage and family. Julie B Beck have a great quote during one of her talks. She said, "Education about the family is the most important schooling you can get." Even if you aren't specifically studying the family I would encourage you to take some classes about the family. Family is the only thing we get to take with us to the other side, I want to work as hard as I can to create a strong and healthy family while I'm here on earth.

I know that my approach on education is different than a lot of other people, but I think that anyone who chooses to gain a higher education, no matter what your degree is, can be greatly benefited. By gaining a higher education you can also gain people skills, learn how to work well in groups, become disciplined, learn how to work hard, learn how to problem solve, and so many other great blessings. These are all things that can make life at home easier. Home and families are greatly benefited when both the mother and the father obtain a higher education, whether or not you are using your degree in your everyday life.

I hope everyone has a great week. Happy Thanksgiving!

With love: Sydney

Communication

Hello Everyone! This week in Family Relations we talked about the way people communicate with one another. I found this to be very interesting and I definitely learned a lot of great things that I can use for my current and future relationships with the people around me. We talked about a three step process that all of us go through when trying to communicate an idea, thought, or feeling to another. These steps are encoding the message, the medium the information is presented with, and then the message then being decoded.

I want to focus on the media (medium) we use when we communicate which are basically the different ways people communicate with each other. In class we identified three different types of media which are words, tone, and then non-verbal communication. When I first thought about these I thought words were probably the media people pay the most attention to, but I was wrong. We were asked as a class to guess what percentage of each of these three media people pay the most attention to during a conversation. After we gave our guesses brother Williams told us the actual statistics and I was really surprised. Words turned out to be only about 14% of communication, tone is 35%, and non-verbal communication is 51%. I had no idea, but it makes so much sense now. I've noticed that whenever I'm having a conversation with someone and they are on their phone, it doesn't matter what they say to me because I know they weren't trying to pay attention to me while I was talking. It might not be that way for the person I was trying to talk to, but it most certainly feels that way for me.

Brother Williams shared a quote with us that I really liked. It says "We can never not communicate." I feel like that sums up what I learned this week pretty well.

With love: Sydney

Family Crises

Hello Everyone! I learned a lot from this week's lesson. We talked about dealing with, and managing, family crises. One things we talked about that I found extremely helpful was the idea of coping. Before this week, whenever I would hear the word coping I would think about what you do after a struggle or conflict. I have a completely new definition of coping.

In class brother Williams told us about what goes into making the crown molding in homes. He told us that after each piece of wood is crafted carefully it can be "coped" which means that the piece of wood that will go on the short wall of the home is measured and cut at a 45 degree angle just slightly larger than the wall's actual size. Once that is put into place the larger piece of wood is cut at a 45 degree angle just slightly larger than the wall's actual size. Then the wood is put into place. The people working on the crown molding start in the corners and work their way into the middle until the piece of wood can be nailed into place. Now, because the two pieces of wood were coped, they can become one under pressure.

My new definition of coping is to make fine, planned adjustments (like talked about potential family struggles and reactions to those struggles) so that when put under pressure two things can become one.

With love: Sydney

Becoming One

Hello everyone! In class this week we talked a lot about the physical intimacy that is a such a special part of marriage. One thing that really stuck out to me was that the act of physical intimacy or sex should be a very selfless experience for both the husband and wife, and in fact married couples say that when they were purely focused on their spouse and their spouse's needs those were the times that they both felt the best. Part of making this so selfless and sacred involves understanding each other and communicating effectively with each other. God gave married couples the ability to create children and by doing this you are literally becoming one. You are not only becoming one with your spouse but also with God. This is very important to understand. When you and your spouse have a stronger connection, you and your spouse in turn will have a stronger connection with our Father in Heaven.

Some say that after the first few years of marriage physical intimacy sort of takes a back seat and you don't seem to enjoy that activity as much. Many have studied when the best physical intimacy occurs in a relationship. Surprising to some, the best sex is experienced by those married couples in their 40's and not by those who are just newly weds.

Sorry that this post was a bit more graphic, but I hope that someone learned something.

With love: Sydney

Premarital Habbits

Hello Everyone! This week in Family Relations we talked a lot about the transitions one goes through during the first year of marriage. One thing that really stuck out to me was that the habits developed during engagement are the habits that are carried into marriage. This means when your fiance doesn't help with the dishes that person more than likely won't do the dishes when you're married. Communication is so, so key! Communication is one of those habits that is developed in a relationship you can be so happy. Nothing is ever perfect, but things will be much better. If something is bothering you the best way to fix it is to address it. I know that is a really hard concept to put into practice, but every time I decide to address my problems and frustrations I can the resolve my issues a lot faster and with less unnecessary drama.

I hope everyone has a great week! 

With love: Sydney

Dating

Hello Everyone! This week we talked about relationships and dating and falling in love and stuff which for me is a really interesting topic. Something that stuck out to me this week was that going on dates needs to be a ginormous priority! Not hanging out or any of that, but actually going on dates. We learned that a lot of people will go on a few dates until they get a girlfriend or boyfriend and then once they are officially "dating" they stop going on dates. That doesn't make any sense to me. The purpose of going on dates is to see how a person acts in different situations. It means doing things that you might not necessarily like doing but your significant other likes that activity. Dating keeps things safe and interesting. Dating should be a priority in courtship, engagement, and marriage.

You might ask "What's the point of dating while you're married?" Well I've learned from my parents, who have made dating a priority, that it lets you and your spouse be alone for a few hours without the kids. You can focus on each other and not have to worry about what's going on at home. It's really relaxing. The dates you do don't have to be very elaborate but they should be thought about and meaningful. By going on dates regularly you and your spouse can grow closer together and you'll be happier.

I hope you all have a great week! Thanks for reading!

With love: Sydney

Gender Roles

Hello Everyone! I really enjoyed Family 160 this week. On Thursday we started class by talking about the different roles of men and women. We said that men are typically more protecting, competitive, mechanically minded, aggressive, and task oriented. We said that women are typically more nurturing, sensitive, emotionally expressive, cooperative, and relationship oriented. We then talked about the stages of same sex attraction. We talked about a boy or girl who feels rejected by their peers of the same gender when they are younger feel more comfortable around members of the opposite gender. They then grow in to their teenage years and just like every child that age they are seeking for the approval of those they aren't familiar with. For the boys who hang out with girls, they just want to interact and be accepted by the other guys. At this point there is really no sexual attraction to those of the same sex, they just want to learn more. After they still can't find approval from those of the same gender they then tend to have sexual thoughts towards those of the same gender.

Those who have same gender attraction are constantly trying to fill their buckets but as Dallin H. Oaks states "You can never get enough of what you don't need, because what you don't need won't satisfy." There are those who realize this and seek out help and support to change. There have been people who have changed their homosexual behaviors and ended up living a very rich and fulfilling heterosexual life styles.

At the end of class of Thursday the women, mainly the married women, of our class were asked if they would like it if their husbands were more nurturing, sensitive, emotionally expressive, cooperative, and relationship oriented. They all said yes! They would love it if their husbands could possess some of these qualities. Brother Williams then stated, "How sad is it that society takes these men our of your dating pool.

That really hit me. I need to be less judgmental and help others to be less judgmental as well. I loved learning about men and women this week. It was very eye opening.

I hope everyone has a great week!

With love: Sydney

Immigration

Hello Everyone! I really enjoyed class last week. On Thursday we did a role play about the difficulty of immigration. We not only talked about how difficult the transition is on individuals, but we also talked about the way the family changes. The example we used in class was of a typical family in Mexico. I never realized how difficult it is for a family to move from Mexico to the United States. There are so many obstacles to overcome just for the just the father to cross the boarder. Then he has to find a job and try to save money so that eventually his family can come over. The separation of the father from the family tends to be about three years. In these three years the family dynamics change. The mother now has to play the role of mother and father. The children have to step in and start supporting the family now as well. Extended family also steps in from time to time. The children don't have a father figure to look up to any more so that can cause a lot of problems. After all of this sometimes the family in Mexico doesn't even want to go to America anymore and the father ends up going back. If the family does make it to America they now have to figure out how to survive in their new home. They have most likely dropped in class and they don't live as comfortable as they used to. There is often an awkwardness with the father as well. The family knows he is important, but they have lived without him for so long that there tends to be conflicts.

I found this to be very interesting. It's amazing how the family changes when life happens. We are able to fill hole that are gone. Such as a father heading to America to start a new life for his family. Everyone pitches in to make the situation better. It is also really sad how the family can start to fall apart after filling that hole. Because there isn't a father in the home for about three years the children have a hard time remembering him and what the family was like when there was a mom and a dad. It just shows me again how important it is to have a traditional family with a mother and a father.

I really commend those parents who are willing to make the sacrifice to come to America. It definitely wouldn't be easy and I know if I was in there shoes I couldn't do it.

I hope something I've said has impacted someone. Have a great week!

With love: Sydney

Family Dynamics

Hello Everyone! This week in Family Relations we focused on understanding family dynamics. I've always loved watching people interact with their families. I've also always found it interesting how every single family is different. Something that is not okay in my house is totally acceptable in others and visa versa. For example, in my family we don't watch PG-13 movies, but that is totally okay in other households. My parents just made the choice that they wouldn't watch those movies and then they let us decide for ourselves. I didn't realize until this week that when two families merge by marriage then these family rules and dynamics also merge and sometimes clash. I've never thought about that until this week's class.

I'm really excited for the day that I get to merge my family with my future eternal companion's family! I'm making myself a promise that whatever the struggle be when it comes to different rules I'm not going to get mad. We are going to talk about things.

I hope everyone has a great week. Thanks for being great people!

With love: Sydney

Children

Hello Everyone! I hope your week was great! In my Family Relations class this week we talked about the importance of having children. We learned about the economical benefits and such things, but we also talked about the religious aspect. Our Father in Heaven created this earth for one purpose. For us to bare and raise children. We were asked the question "Who gets to decide how many children I have?" Well that is entirely up to you, your spouse, and the Lord. I would suggest taking this very seriously. It's not just your life that will be blessed. You're blessing the spirit child that is getting a body as well.

I grew up in a big family. I'm the oldest of nine children. I can't imagine my family any other way! Before my parents started having kids they thought they'd have five and that would be good, but when number five came our family still wasn't complete. It was like that until my mom had numbers eight and nine (twins). Now our family is complete.

I hope something I've said has touched someone. I hope you have a great week!

With love: Sydney

Intro

Hello everyone! I'm really excited for the opportunity to share my views on the topics we discuss in our Family Relations class. Just as a little introduction, I'm 18 years old. This is my first semester here at BYU-Idaho. I love it here so far! I'm originally from Orem UT. I love art, music, and my family. Currently my major is Marriage and Family Relations. I can't wait to get to know everyone through the rest of the semester.